Does Rape Feel Good?

By Danni Moss
Copyright protected, all rights reserved

Quite a few times I have seen this phrase as a search term used to find this blog. I’m not sure what that phrase has found on my blog since I have not directly addressed that question prior to this, but the question is obviously something quite a few people want to know. Since it keeps coming up, I am going to address it.

Some of you may be wondering, “what on earth?” However, there are a couple possible reasons someone might be asking this question.

The first we will dispose of immediately. If someone had was thinking of committing rape and had the erroneous idea that victims actually enjoyed it but only protested for show – let me just make clear for the record, that is not true. However, I doubt this idea was the motive behind all the times the question has been asked.

There is another very common reason this question is asked.

Victims of rape ask this question. And the internet is a safe place to ask it because they may be fearful of asking anyone who can see their face, for fear of judgment.

The question is really this – if I experienced an orgasm during non-consensual, forced sex, does that mean I wanted it? Does that mean it wasn’t really rape?

This question torments victims of rape – especially victims of incest, intimate-partner rape, and victims of long-term or repeated violation by the same offender.

So here are the facts. Orgasm is simply a biological response to stimuli. It can be an involuntary physiological reaction over which the victim has no control. Having an orgasm during rape is not an indication that the victim wanted to be raped or enjoyed the experience.

If anything, experiencing your body’s “betrayal” during rape, makes the event that much more traumatic.

This experience is not rare – especially in the circumstances I mentioned above, or even in a single-instance rape. Rape-crisis caregivers are aware of the phenomenon and do not judge the victim for it. They fully understand why it happens and they understand it only increases the victim’s emotional pain, guilt, and shame. Therapists who specialize in counseling rape victims are also aware of this issue and are safe to talk to about it. They understand and do not judge.

So the answer is – if a victim’s body experiences a physiological response during rape that does not diminish the reality or severity of the incident(s). In fact, it only increases the damage.

32 Responses

  1. Thank you for this important statement and article. It may not take away the confusion and pain, of betrayal by even one’s own body, but at least it offers us a piece of objective truth to hold onto while we struggle with the emotions that are caused by trauma.

  2. I am so happy to see this addressed.

  3. You didn’t answer the question. Orgasms don’t always feel “good” even if it is consensual.

    • That wasn’t the question. The question was does rape feel good.

      Orgasms that don’t feel good could be a couple different issues, off the top of my head – and not being a professional. It depends on whether “not feel good” is physical or emotional. If it is physical, this is an actual, genuine medical issue and needs consultation with a doctor. If it is emotional, it is something that needs counseling to find out, and address, why.

      — Danni

  4. Rape isn’t funny. But the strange thing about rape is how we’re biologically programmed to rape and be raped depending on your gender. For instance, women orgasm, which allows the woman to conceive a baby. Men who rape often have more sperm. isn’t that strange?

    I found this via google but I was more interested in how common this is. I’m no rapist, but as a young man who has a girlfriend who works nights the thought and worry has to come up eventually. And this subject just totally freaks me out, as I originally thought that women are mental and that the body was controlled mentally.

    • There is a flaw in your logic. Your words assume that rape is the logical prerequisite for orgasm and conception, and that rape is the logical prerequisite to increased male sperm count. You appear to be equating rape with sexual intercourse. All sexual intercourse is not rape.

      Rape is about dominance, control and violence – not love. It has nothing to do with relationship, love, intimacy, or normal sexual relationship. The fact that orgasm and conception can take place as a result of rape is basic biology – not a stamp of approval on the assault of rape. For the sake of readers who like to engage in staged rape as part of sex play – that is still not rape by the sheer fact that it is staged.

      An orgasm during rape does NOT constitute acceptance or appreciation of the experience either. Love and sexual intimacy are light-years away from rape.

      — Danni

  5. 1. dont mix love and sex. this is a sex subject .

    2. you still have not answered the question; does rape feel good? …to clarify the question I belive it spefically refers to a male having forced sexual intercourse with a female.

    ..and the answer which seems to have been reported by those who have actually experienced it varies. For many the answer is negative, how ever there seems also to be some who have mixed feelings and even a few who found something they liked in their experience.

    you have to remember that all these experiences vary considerably as do the circumstances under which they arose.

    I hope you can at least accept that each persons experience is individual and personal to them and it is not for others to force their opinions on to them about how they should feel about any aspect of their experience.

    I have found getting to know myself the greatest challenge of my life.

  6. I see you only keep the comments you filter. Typical christian …no faith what so ever,

    I think your view of the world is imature.

    There is another side to rape in which mens lives are ruined by women who drunkenly flirt and play games with their sexuallity which they later regreted, acusing men of things they did not do…because they cant belive …even drunk…they could behave that way they did.

    some women dont even need even to be drunk to flirt dangerously and play their silly imature games.

    I do not agree with rape at all but you need to grow up if you want to talk about grown up issues.

    now you can delete this comment also.

    • When someone new comments, I have to approve them the first time. Amazingly enough, I don’t live on my computer just waiting with baited breath for someone to comment so I can push the magic button. I generally approve all comments that are not crude, profane, or abusive. I think there is benefit even in ridiculous comments because they reveal people’s hearts and often show truth the writers didn’t realize they were exposing about themselves.

      You have missed the point entirely. You also have a very apparent agenda and chip on your shoulder. My article was obviously not intended to be a comprehensive treatise on the subject of rape. I took one particular question and answered that one question.

      — Danni

      • How can it be that everyone has “missed the point”?

        Are we really that stupid?

        Your headline reads “Does rape feel good?”…you then go on to say..”.The question is really this – if I experienced an orgasm during non-consensual, forced sex, does that mean I wanted it?”.

        I thinks its arogant of you to, in the first place, answer on behalf of rape victims, when you are not one yourself, and secondly, for you to tell other people what their question really asks instead of answering their actual question at face value. I dont believe that everyone is so dumb that they dont even know what they are asking or searching for on the internet.

        If you had wanted to talk about a persons mixed feelings regarding a rape experience, specifically when the vicitim has an orgasm, then thats what you should have indicated at the beginning, that way we might not all have “missed the point entirely”.

        • I answered ONE question, asked by a reader, that could be what was meant by the question. And the responses I have gotten to the article indicates that was exactly what many people are wanting to find out when they ask the question. As I’ve said before, this never claimed to be a thorough treatise on the subject of rape. Just because that wasn’t what you were expecting does not mean that it is not a valid answer to a real question. And I don’t have to be raped to have some understanding of the issue, particularly considering that I’ve been working with women for years. That’s rather illogical. Following that reasoning no man could ever be an OB/GYN – just to grab at the first example that comes to mind. There are many others.

          This article may not have been what you were looking for, but don’t assume it is not what others ARE looking for.

          — Danni

        • I have no wish to offend you or others that may read this article and do not wish to keep going over the same ground.

          I dont actually agree with what you say regardng what someone may have really been asking behind the words “does rape feel good” and I do not agree that a rape victim themselves would ever phrase any question in that way…who knows better than them how it feels?

          I do believe you are a good person trying to help and I do believe that the question you wanted to answer is being asked by people…just not those who typed “does rape feel good”.

          As for your very poor attempt at belittling my logic….we are talking about how something feels…one can only truely know that when one experiences it for themselves.

          Please dont try to turn this in to something personal.

        • Just a comment… as a victim: that is exactly how I would have phrased the question. And having it addressed is very helpful.

        • you are saying that you are a rape victim…and you would seek the advice from a non rape vicitim on how it feels to be raped!!!!

          Because you dont know and they would?

          This is a rediculous conversation.

        • And speaking of the ridiculous – what made you assume I’ve never been raped? Reading back through the article, I never said one way or the other. I wrote about it elsewhere on the site – but I’ll bet you never bothered to read and find out either.

          And another thing – pretty much any individual’s experience of anything is personal — there isn’t just one precise sensation connected with rape.

          Rape comes in a variety of “packages” – sometimes with battering, sometimes with threats, sometimes without leaving a single bruise or mark. One universal with real rape (as opposed to play and role playing) is the rape of the soul – it’s more than just physical sensations.

          Based on the fact that each person’s own experience is relatively unique, no rape victim could possibly tell another what it feels like either since it’s not universally the same.

          I have no idea why you’ve decided to make a personal attack here – you are the one who made it personal, not me. I wrote an article in response to questions, and the feedback I’ve gotten both on the blog and privately have more than adequately demonstrated the article was helpful to quite a few people.

          You deciding your personal judgment is of more weight and value than a whole bunch of other people’s is ….. ridiculous. And that statement is only as personal as you have made it.

          — Danni

        • no matter what I say you will put me down. Thats the kind of person you seem to be and it is you making this personal. Instead of addressing my points….you seem to jusy wish to attack me.

          I have stated and maintain that you did not answer the actual question that was being asked by the words “Does rape feel good”….that was my main point.

          and for the record I was abused for many many years and I believe I know what I am talking about.

        • LOL! I do believe you started the personal put downs. I have only responded in direct rebuttal of your comments.

          As for experience in abuse, I write about abuse because I’m a survivor myself – a lot of abuse for a lot of years.

          But it is evident that you have made up your mind, so continuing to dialog is pointless.

          — Danni

  7. I have not put you or anyone else down…I have said again and again that I do not believe you have answered the question that was asked.

    I expect even after this you will still ignore my point.

    I am sure other readers can make uo their mind for themselves.

  8. Honestly, in the bigger scheme of things, I feel that you are over-analyzing the entire thing.

    This is how I came across this blog: I searched for “why does an orgasm feel good?” – I wanted to know exactly why. Then after looking at the website which was my first result, I found 3 results down, this website. It had the tag line “does rape feel good?” Honestly it was more curiosity that I clicked here. And that is how you are going to get most of your views. If people wanted a legitimate opinion they would not turn to the internet, they would not trust what they learn on the world wide web.

    Doesn’t just become meaningless if you are fighting over definitions, said words, when in the end aren’t you both trying to just help the idea of people being raped, and rape victims? good intentions, doesn’t always mean its going to come off well.

    All I mean to do is take a step back, and give an outsiders opinion. I think you could be letting your pride get in front of you.

    Though, I must say, it was really entertaining. I started reading this, and it was suddenly 3:30 AM!

  9. Him, you said a pretty mean comment directly in response to a comment a self-affirmed rape victim had made here in which you called her “ridiculous” so you’re the one making the put downs buddy.

    Btw thanks for this article Danni! God bless you for this, I have been trying to find a decisive and authoritative conclusion on this issue for a long time!

    • Your a bunch of liars that will delete anyone and anything that disagrees with anything you say.

      I said it was rediculous that a rape victim was asking a non rape victim…how it feels to be raped!!!!

      How obsurd.

      • Of course, there is also the fact that, as I previously pointed out, you assumed the author was not a rape victim — since that was not stated in the article. And if you’d read more on the site, you would have found out you made a foolish assumption. But then, the fact that you came on here with prejudice and tried to rudely “set me straight” is, in fact, a hallmark of an abusive person. A “different opinion” does not insist that it is right and that others are not only wrong, but idiots — or perhaps you would prefer the word “ridiculous.”

        I am leaving this as evidence of your arrogance and disrespect — since you have been told not to post on this site, yet somehow you feel entitled to defy the authority on this site, continue your derision, and flaunt your abusive nature. Further comments will be banned. If you persist I will make a public record as I have done with another online abuser previously.

        — Danni

        • Hmm… I sense some projecting going on.

        • let he who is without sin, cast the first stone…

          just listen to your selves…all of you.

        • Josh, I’m not sure what you are suggesting. Are you suggesting that a rape victim should not speak up? I could be misreading you, but it feels like you are suggesting that because we all sin, that a victim has not right to accuse her abuser/attacker. I have heard this attitude all my life in the church. I guess I am just wondering what you mean…

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