Christmas Blessings

I have so much to be thankful for this Christmas season and it has been a wonderful day.

I am grateful to have a home of my own. Considering my seriously constrained circumstances, God has provided a nice and spacious townhome – no yard work but lots of interior space, which is perfect for me. This time last year I was hunting for a home and wondering how God was going to provide before the first of January. 😉

I am grateful to have all my children living with me. I know I am fortunate and it won’t last very long so I’m appreciating it while I have it. Both my boys are adults now so they’ll be going to their own homes before very much longer. Since my oldest son is going to college locally, he is temporarily happy to live at home and save the money. I don’t see him much since he works most of the time he’s not at school, and whatever time he has after that he spends with his girlfriend and her family. My second son is getting ready to leave for college in the next few months since he is pursuing a program that will take him to North Carolina. I’m already trying not to think about how much I’ll miss him. This time last year I was celebrating the fact that I had gained custody of my daughter after a long and ugly battle. I’m delighted to see her everyday and watch her grow up before my eyes.

I am grateful for financial aid to pay for school. When someone first suggested I go back to school since I couldn’t get a living-wage job after being a stay-home mom for most of the previous 20 years, I vehemently objected. LOL! But a dead-end career path and time to think changed my mind. After a lot of thinking, looking and praying, my direction was refined and over the course of several months this year, God worked out the monumental details for me to get into school. And school is going fantastic. But I could never do it without financial aid.

I am most especially grateful for every day. I still pinch myself almost every day as I live such a different life from the years of my marriage. My stomach is no longer tied in knots 24 hours a day. I don’t walk on eggshells constantly trying to avoid anything that would set him off. I do still have a severe reaction to sudden loud outbursts – but I never hear them in my own home anymore. It’s peaceful here! I don’t fear the next outburst, knowing there’s nothing I can do to avoid it. I’m starting to get over some of the hang-ups I developed like being unable to eat white rice because I was lectured for hours upon end about all the reasons there was something wrong with me for liking it. I think this next election I may be able to vote without having a panic attack when I try to drive into the parking lot. This is all amazing to me. Before, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to live in a peaceful home, even though my childhood home had been peaceful. It was just a long time ago.

I am also grateful to God for my life. While I have no assurances for the tomorrows, I know God holds them all, however many He may give me. Living that every day without fear is something I haven’t yet mastered, but with constant diligence it is getting better. Living after cancer with no ongoing maintenance care and known, but unidentified, health issues is scary, but I have to trust that God knows what He’s doing. And I am SO grateful for the todays.

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