Confessions of a Perfectionist

I had an amusing personal illumination yesterday.  I am a perfectionist and I know it.  Growing up as the compliant oldest child in an authoritarian environment, being a perfectionist is practically a given.  LOL! 

But I realized yesterday I have a little head game I play with myself for sanity.  I have a 5 year old.  I also love order and cleanliness.  The two are mutually exclusive.  At the same time, I know myself and that I will never give myself a moment’s peace if I try to keep my house to my expectations. 

What I figured out is that I have deliberately chosen to keep house imperfectly.  I try for basically clean but a little bit messy – never actually dirty, dishes stay done every day, etc.  But never perfect.  That way I perfectly meet my expectations and can stand myself in the process.

 (During my marriage I had a whole different thing going on.  Since I couldn’t meet Gary’s expectations no matter what I did and was undermined in my efforts, I gave up almost completely.  I hated it but that way I chose my battlefield and at least didn’t get “in trouble” after I’d expended tons of time and effort trying to get it right.  That was another side of yesterday’s lightbulb moment.)

And my little personal growth step of the week was letting the dishwasher clean the dishes.  I’ve always pre-washed the dishes and used the dishwasher for sterilization.  For the first time in my life I tried just putting the dishes in there and turning it on.  Surprise!  They got clean!  😉

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