Is Tim Mann Guilty or Innocent?

I just posted this under the title “Is Derek Gillett Guilty or Innocent?” but I’d venture to guess that most people looking for information about Tim Mann won’t read a post about Derek Gillett. So I’m reposting this, somewhat adjusted for the case with Tim Mann.

Obviously there are differing opinions about Tim Mann’s guilt or innocence. At this point, the only people who know the truth with absolute certainty are Mann and his accuser(s). For everyone else, all we have is speculation and opinion.

But this is an opportunity to look at some issues. I would venture to guess that for most, if not all, of the individuals who are being personally touched by this event, the issue of clergy sex abuse has not previously crossed their awareness. So I’m taking the opportunity to get on my awareness soapbox for a bit.

I think it is probably readily apparent that clergy sex abuse, along with other issues of abuse in the church, is something I am seriously passionate about. My passion for this issue is not born in bitterness or rejection of God or the church, however. I believe there’s no need to throw the baby (God) out with the bathwater (corrupt individuals who claim to bear His name). My goal is to raise awareness of a serious issue the church has swept under the carpet, with the intention that all of us who care about the church will take that awareness home to our own pews and make substantive changes in the way we view abuse in the church.

Is he guilty?

Ultimately, there is no way any of us can say with complete certainty at this point. I’m going to play devil’s advocate both ways, for the purpose of highlighting the global problems facing the church when a clergy member is accused of abuse or sexual misconduct. So don’t get mad at me yet! ;-)

It is still far more likely – in general – for clergy sex abuse to be unreported than to be reported. When sexual misconduct is reported against clergy, the incidence of false allegations is extremely small. And almost universally, the people directly affected by charges within their own church refuse to believe the allegations could be true.

It is earth-shattering to consider that someone whom you have trusted completely could be a grossly different person behind their visible face. But reality is that pedophiles, sexual predators, and abusers are rarely obvious. We all think we have some sense of what a person is really like and discovering we can be utterly deceived is devastating. It is common for the closest family members and friends of people as depraved as serial killers to have no idea of the person’s real nature. And it isn’t because these people are foolishly blind.

Abusers in powerful positions necessarily hide their true selves to protect their territory of predation. I have personally known about a dozen predators fairly closely that I can think of off the top of my head (and knew many others more distantly but directly) and only a couple did I have any “off” feelings about prior to finding out they were secretly abusers. After that happened a few times I stopped being shocked. ANYONE is capable of ANYTHING, while looking like the most wonderful, sensitive and wise Christian.

One example of this was with a couple who had been married for between 20-30 years (I can’t remember exactly). They travelled around the country doing marriage seminars for churches and church functions. I met them when they travelled with the organization I worked for, teaching marriage seminars around the country over a 6-week period. They had many books published about marriage and parenting and were well-respected. A few months after the tour, the wife called our office (I worked in the office that planned the tours). She was calling to let us know before we found out through the news or word of mouth, that her husband had been arrested for sexually molesting their foster children throughout their marriage. She never had the first clue anything was wrong and the children involved never told until after they were adults.

You know what she said that struck me most strongly? She said she found out about the accusations against her husband the week before they went out on the tour with us. But she chose to say nothing because she said her husband’s message was truth and would be a life-changing blessing to those who heard him, and she respected that. Even when abuse struck that close to home, literally, she covered for him because “God’s message” was more important. Her husband was proven guilty and went to jail.

There is a tendency in churches to put God’s message before honor and justice – and that’s not in agreement with God’s standard for righteousness. If an allegation of misconduct is made against a leader in the church, it must be investigated. Even if everyone is sure the allegations are false, they must be investigated.

While they are investigated, it is appropriate for the accused party to at the very least voluntarily refrain from pastoral duties. The qualifications for pastoral leadership include being free from any appearance of evil and being blameless. It is not an admission of guilt for a church leader to work with a process of evaluation rather than insisting everyone should take his word about his innocence and let him continue his church role without question.

Let me ask you — if someone has been accused of abuse and you ask them whether they did it, what are they going to say? If they are innocent, they will say they did not do it. If they are guilty, they will say they did not do it. So why do we belabor protestations of innocence? Whether someone says they are innocent is no measure of reality. Only a righteous evaluation and hearing of the case, both within the church and through the legal system, can hope to make conclusive determinations.

It is also very important in churches, for the sake of all those out there who are being abused, that any allegation of abuse be taken seriously. An accuser needs to be treated supportively, even if the accusation seems appalling and unbelievable. We can safely let the process take care of determining whether the accuser is lying. It will be time enough at that point for a false accuser to bear the consequences of their lies.

Is he innocent?

Again, no one other than the parties directly involved know for sure. But false allegations do happen. And multiple accusers can collude in their accusation, too. Let me give you a couple examples I personally know, along with why the false allegations were made.

First, was my cousin. When he was a late teen, a younger girl from his church accused him of molesting her. He was reported to child services, the allegations were determined to be true, and he had to bear the punishment and rejection resulting from the charge. Since they were both minors there was no jail time involved. Years later the girl finally told the truth. At the time of the original accusation, someone suspected she was being abused and she blamed my cousin to protect her abuser. It is extremely common for an abuse victim to protect an abuser. So if faced with exposure, it would not be outside the realm of reasonable possibility for a victim to name someone else as the perpetrator.

In the other case, a man in the church was accused of rape by three girls. One of the girls claimed to have been raped by the man and the other two claimed to be witnesses. They had letters “from him,” photographs of the girl’s bruises, and a story that was very plausible. One of the girls’ father was a man of some significance and he testified in court in support of the girls. However, the authorities were able to unravel the girls’ case in court. Eventually it was revealed that the girl claiming to be raped had gotten caught being promiscuous and she made the accusation to get her parents’ eyes off her behavior. Her friends thought it would be fun, and a jab in the collective eye of the adults in their life, to fabricate this story and evidence. The accused man and his wife moved away after the trial. The man who testified for the girls, of whom one was his daughter, lost his job as VP of an international Christian ministry.

This is an example of why we can’t jump to conclusions. While most allegations end up being true, there are times when the allegations are false and it can be very difficult for anyone, sometimes even the authorities, to tell. Even if the accusers offer up unusually specific detail, teenagers now days are very aware of sexual detail. They can come up with anything, especially if they put their heads together. The younger they are the less likely the accusers are to include unusual details in a false allegation. At the very least, in young children you would have to look to see who had abused the child because they came by that information somewhere inappropriately.

But by the time our kids reach middle school, many of them are more sexually aware than their parents – scary thought. I remember being shocked several years ago when my 6th grader came home from the bus with a newly-acquired awareness of the details of homosexual intercourse and bestiality. As parents and adults we need to ditch the naïve blinders. Our kids are not living in the society we grew up in.

So, is he guilty or innocent?

I think we need to accept the potential that any of us can be deceived, while maintaining the assurance that God can work this out. No matter the outcome, God’s nature is REDEEMER. He can use this event to accomplish purposes we cannot conceive. And He can be trusted.

I also think it is right for friends of the accused to stand by their friend unless/until proven guilty. And it is right for the friends of the accusers and their families to stand by them unless/until proven wrong. That’s the nature of true friendship. Where betrayal hurts is when someone wrongly accused is abandoned by friends or when someone making a legitimate complaint is not believed by their family and friends. As a church, we are responsible to take every accusation seriously. Taking an allegation seriously does not inherently include either believing or disbelieving the charge. It means we address it properly, through the correct legal channels. And we remain mature adults and Christians who don’t need to stoop to taking sides and mud-slinging everywhere.

If an accusation is proven true, we will all need each other for comfort and support. And a guilty party can be loved in truth, without sheltering that person from the consequences of their actions. I knew of a family several years ago, where the grandfather (my friend’s friend’s father) was accused of molesting his granddaughters. When they knew the accusation was true, the family collectively turned him in to the authorities, then proceeded to sit by his side – and the granddaughters’ sides – through the trial, and then visited him in jail throughout his sentence, and helped enforce his long-term consequences after he was released, including never being allowed alone with children. Their love didn’t end but they didn’t protect him from judgment either.

And regardless of how this case ends, we all need to keep in mind that the issue of clergy sex abuse is a very serious one that is plaguing the church and could even lead to its downfall as an institution. I know that seems impossible, but I don’t think it is. I don’t think anything will ever stop God’s Word and real Christians from living as Christ intended. But the religious institution of Christianity – yes, it could crumble under the weight of its own resident evil unless we stand up and do what is right.

My Response to Comments on Derek Gillett Post

The issue of accusations against Derek Gillett has proven to be a hot one. As of this writing there are 81 responses to my original commentary about the news, including a few of my own. I will continue to leave that arena open for people to communicate as long as it remains largely respectful, even though heated.

In reading through the comments there were a few things I wanted to comment on. I knew it would get long if I posted in the comments so I’m making a separate post. So here goes…

Re: the suggestion that the fact there are two accusers validates the accusation against Derek –

The fact that there are concurrently two accusers does not necessarily validate the accusation. I gave an example in my previous post of a situation I knew with three accusers that was proven false. If there are multiple independent accusations, especially about abuse taking place over an extended period of time in unrelated settings and times – that would more likely validate the accusation. Or if there were a string of suspicions and previous buried accusations – that would more likely validate the accusation. But even though there are two accusers, from what I gather they know one another and it is being viewed as one case with two accusers. That’s not quite the same and doesn’t carry the same “likelihood” of guilt as separate, distinct victims and accusations – if there can be such a thing as “likelihood of guilt.”

Re: the comments about everyone having two sides –

Every person does have two sides, but just because we all have a public and private face, to some extent, doesn’t suggest “likelihood of guilt” either. I might be crabby with my kids, where I’d suck it up and smile to my neighbor. That doesn’t make me a dead cert abuser.

At the same time, I think those who have been hurt by two-faced authority figures are probably very sensitive on the subject. I tend to lean to the side of “guilty until proven innocent” myself because I’ve experienced way too much. But I have to check my feelings at the door because my feelings are often not an expression of reality.

I have also been hurt by people who believed evil about me when I was innocent. I can’t tell you how much that hurts. It is the only thing that has ever threatened to shake my faith. Ironically, it is part of what makes me view the church through a little bit jaded perspective because it was the church, or representatives of the church, who failed me persistently and repeatedly. And I’m under no misapprehensions about whether it could happen again.

Re: whether kids can make stuff up –

I addressed that in my previous post about whether Derek Gillett is guilty or innocent. Bottomline, yes they can and our society is depraved enough they can easily manufacture any specific details we could possibly imagine. That doesn’t mean these girls did or did not make up their allegations. But we can’t assume they are telling the truth because kid’s don’t make up stuff like that.

Re: trusting news coverage for accuracy –

I hope no one thinks we can trust what we see in print from “reliable” or timely news sources. They make mistakes – I hope largely accidental. News writers are often working off other news stories and mixing and baking to create something that looks like fresh news. That’s what retractions are for. 😉

Re: doing a follow-up story –

I will definitely update this story as there is more to report. And if the allegations against Derek prove to be false, I will be delighted to make it a big front-and-center splash. If they prove to be true, I’ll be mourning it – and I’ll report it with regret.

Re: whether this forum and/or discussion is about God or religion –

In reading my site it should be apparent that everything I write is written from within the context of belief in God and from a desire to bring about desperately needed change within the religion of Christianity. I make no apology for that. At one point I attempted to write “neutrally.” Ultimately I decided there are plenty of voices out there that are neutral or overtly anti-Christian – written by people who have been legitimately touched by the same issues I write about. We agree on many things. But my heart is for healing and change in the Christian church; a return to what it was originally intended and which, I believe, has gotten lost in 2000 years of human history.

Is Derek Gillett Guilty or Innocent?

Obviously there are many opinions about Derek Gillett’s guilt or innocence. At this point, the only people who know the truth with absolute certainty are Gillett and the teens who have accused him. For everyone else, all we have is speculation and opinion.

But this is an opportunity to look at some issues. I would venture to guess that for most, if not all, of the individuals who are being personally touched by this event, the issue of clergy sex abuse has not previously crossed their awareness. So I’m taking the opportunity to get on my awareness soapbox for a bit.

I think it is probably readily apparent that clergy sex abuse, along with other issues of abuse in the church, is something I am seriously passionate about. My passion for this issue is not born in bitterness or rejection of God or the church, however. I believe there’s no need to throw the baby (God) out with the bathwater (corrupt individuals who claim to bear His name). My goal is to raise awareness of a serious issue the church has swept under the carpet, with the intention that all of us who care about the church will take that awareness home to our own pews and make substantive changes in the way we view abuse in the church.

Is he guilty?

Ultimately, there is no way any of us can say with complete certainty at this point. I’m going to play devil’s advocate both ways, for the purpose of highlighting the global problems facing the church when a clergy member is accused of abuse or sexual misconduct. So don’t get mad at me yet! 😉

It is still far more likely – in general – for clergy sex abuse to be unreported than to be reported. When sexual misconduct is reported against clergy, the incidence of false allegations is extremely small. And almost universally, the people directly affected by charges within their own church refuse to believe the allegations could be true.

It is earth-shattering to consider that someone whom you have trusted completely could be a grossly different person behind their visible face. But reality is that pedophiles, sexual predators, and abusers are rarely obvious. We all think we have some sense of what a person is really like and discovering we can be utterly deceived is devastating. It is common for the closest family members and friends of people as depraved as serial killers to have no idea of the person’s real nature. And it isn’t because these people are foolishly blind.

Abusers in powerful positions necessarily hide their true selves to protect their territory of predation. I have personally known about a dozen predators fairly closely that I can think of off the top of my head (and knew many others more distantly but directly) and only a couple did I have any “off” feelings about prior to finding out they were secretly abusers. After that happened a few times I stopped being shocked. ANYONE is capable of ANYTHING, while looking like the most wonderful, sensitive and wise Christian.

One example of this was with a couple who had been married for between 20-30 years (I can’t remember exactly). They travelled around the country doing marriage seminars for churches and church functions. I met them when they travelled with the organization I worked for, teaching marriage seminars around the country over a 6-week period. They had many books published about marriage and parenting and were well-respected. A few months after the tour, the wife called our office (I worked in the office that planned the tours). She was calling to let us know before we found out through the news or word of mouth, that her husband had been arrested for sexually molesting their foster children throughout their marriage. She never had the first clue anything was wrong and the children involved never told until after they were adults.

You know what she said that struck me most strongly? She said she found out about the accusations against her husband the week before they went out on the tour with us. But she chose to say nothing because she said her husband’s message was truth and would be a life-changing blessing to those who heard him, and she respected that. Even when abuse struck that close to home, literally, she covered for him because “God’s message” was more important. Her husband was proven guilty and went to jail.

There is a tendency in churches to put God’s message before honor and justice – and that’s not in agreement with God’s standard for righteousness. If an allegation of misconduct is made against a leader in the church, it must be investigated. Even if everyone is sure the allegations are false, they must be investigated.

While they are investigated, it is appropriate for the accused party to at the very least voluntarily refrain from pastoral duties. The qualifications for pastoral leadership include being free from any appearance of evil and being blameless. It is not an admission of guilt for a church leader to work with a process of evaluation rather than insisting everyone should take his word about his innocence and let him continue his church role without question.

It is also very important in churches, for the sake of all those out there who are being abused, that any allegation of abuse be taken seriously. An accuser needs to be treated supportively, even if the accusation seems appalling and unbelievable. We can safely let the process take care of determining whether the accuser is lying. It will be time enough at that point for a false accuser to bear the consequences of their lies.

Is he innocent?

Again, no one other than the parties directly involved know for sure. But false allegations do happen. And multiple accusers can collude in their accusation, too. Let me give you a couple examples I personally know, along with why the false allegations were made.

First, was my cousin. When he was a late teen, a younger girl from his church accused him of molesting her. He was reported to child services, the allegations were determined to be true, and he had to bear the punishment and rejection resulting from the charge. Since they were both minors there was no jail time involved. Years later the girl finally told the truth. At the time of the original accusation, someone suspected she was being abused and she blamed my cousin to protect her abuser. It is extremely common for an abuse victim to protect an abuser. So if faced with exposure, it would not be outside the realm of reasonable possibility for a victim to name someone else as the perpetrator.

In the other case, a man in the church was accused of rape by three girls. One of the girls claimed to have been raped by the man and the other two claimed to be witnesses. They had letters “from him,” photographs of the girl’s bruises, and a story that was very plausible. One of the girls’ father was a man of some significance and he testified in court in support of the girls. However, the authorities were able to unravel the girls’ case in court. Eventually it was revealed that the girl claiming to be raped had gotten caught being promiscuous and she made the accusation to get her parents’ eyes off her behavior. Her friends thought it would be fun, and a jab in the collective eye of the adults in their life, to fabricate this story and evidence. The accused man and his wife moved away after the trial. The man who testified for the girls, of whom one was his daughter, lost his job as VP of an international Christian ministry.

This is an example of why we can’t jump to conclusions. While most allegations end up being true, there are times when the allegations are false and it can be very difficult for anyone, sometimes even the authorities, to tell. The fact that there are multiple accusers, with “unusual” detail, doesn’t ensure guilt. Especially in our modern culture, teenagers are very aware of sexual detail. They can come up with anything, especially if they put their heads together. The younger they are the less likely the accusers are to include unusual details in a false allegation. At the very least, in young children you would have to look to see who had abused the child because they came by that information somewhere inappropriately.

But by the time our kids reach middle school, many of them are more sexually aware than their parents – scary thought. I remember being shocked several years ago when my 6th grader came home from the bus with a newly-acquired awareness of the details of homosexual intercourse and bestiality. As parents and adults we need to ditch the naïve blinders. Our kids are not living in the society we grew up in.

So, is he guilty or innocent?

I think we need to accept the potential that any of us can be deceived, while maintaining the assurance that God can work this out. No matter the outcome, God’s nature is REDEEMER. He can use this event to accomplish purposes we cannot conceive. And He can be trusted.

I also think it is right for friends of the accused to stand by their friend unless/until proven guilty. And it is right for the friends of the accusers and their families to stand by them unless/until proven wrong. That’s the nature of true friendship. Where betrayal hurts is when someone wrongly accused is abandoned by friends or when someone making a legitimate complaint is not believed by their family and friends. As a church, we are responsible to take every accusation seriously. Taking an allegation seriously does not inherently include either believing or disbelieving the charge. It means we address it properly, through the correct legal channels. And we remain mature adults and Christians who don’t need to stoop to taking sides and mud-slinging everywhere.

If an accusation is proven true, we will all need each other for comfort and support. And a guilty party can be loved in truth, without sheltering that person from the consequences of their actions. I knew of a family several years ago, where the grandfather (my friend’s friend’s father) was accused of molesting his granddaughters. When they knew the accusation was true, the family collectively turned him in to the authorities, then proceeded to sit by his side – and the granddaughters’ sides – through the trial, and then visited him in jail throughout his sentence, and helped enforce his long-term consequences after he was released, including never being allowed alone with children. Their love didn’t end but they didn’t protect him from judgment either.

And regardless of how this case ends, we all need to keep in mind that the issue of clergy sex abuse is a very serious one that is plaguing the church and could even lead to its downfall as an institution. I know that seems impossible, but I don’t think it is. I don’t think anything will ever stop God’s Word and real Christians from living as Christ intended. But the religious institution of Christianity – yes, it could crumble under the weight of its own resident evil unless we stand up and do what is right.