Sticks & Stones: Why Verbal Abuse Kills Series

Sticks & Stones: Why Verbal Abuse Kills, Part I

Sticks & Stones: Why Verbal Abuse Kills, Part II

Sticks & Stones: Why Verbal Abuse Kills, Part III

4 Responses

  1. Monet, on July 6, 2009 at 2:43 pm said:

    I am in an abusive relationship. This man dominates me with control and manipulation and even hits me with verbal and physical abuse. He does not accept the answer of no and is constantly condemning me and demeaning my inner worth and well being.

    How do I get out of a situation like this. He does have some good qualities, but most of the time its a constant murmur, bicker, and total lunancy.

    Reply
    • dannimoss, on July 6, 2009 at 3:47 pm said:

      The answer for how to get out of the situation is nearly as unique as the individual. But you do need to get out of the situation. I don’t know whether you have tried the intervention of counseling – though abusers generally will only go if they can use it to further their manipulation and control. But it can be worth a try because every once in awhile it is the wake-up call an abuser needs to change.

      Unfortunately, they all have good qualities. There are very few people who don’t have redeeming qualities. But a little poison in the brownies is enough to kill. And that’s what we have to remember. It’s not that he’s a worthless person — it’s never about that.

      If he will not change, you need to get to a safe place. This stuff — even without physical violence — will hurt you; it is dangerous. How to go about getting out will depend on all the various circumstances in your particular situation. Should you leave or can you require him to leave? Do you need to be subtle in your planning or can you just say you are separating and be physically safe? Do you have a support network or do you need to plan financially and materially before you can pull the plug?

      I would recommend calling your local family services office and asking them to refer you to an organization that can advise women in abuse. They will know what resources are available to you locally and can give you good insight on the practical logistics of accomplishing a safe separation. If divorce becomes necessary, they may also be able to advise you about getting legal counsel.

      — Danni

      Reply
    • Questions, on July 7, 2009 at 1:11 am said:

      MONET, you’re important. smile. turn the corners of your mouth up. you will FEEL better. it pushes HAPPY JUICE up into your head! i kid you not! do this when you are by yourself, so the rest of the crew doesn’t think you are nuts!

      of course you CAN park a 1/2 smile on your face on a regular basis and you WILL feel better! lift your cheeks up slightly when you are driving down the road, make sure you have a pleasant expression on your face….people will wave. (hope nobody is creepy.)

      ok. NOW to the other side of this picture! ooops! one more thing, if you are around someone who snots: “WIPE that smile OFF your FACE!” then just ignore everything i said EXCEPT when you are by yourself. remember: HAPPY JUICE! it’s FREE!

      NOW, on to the other side of this story that you reminded me of. do you have a BIBLE? have you heard about MOSES having to lead a ton of frightened people and they had the scary army behind them, and the red sea to drown in, in front of them?

      WELL! what to do? you need a miracle too. i’m praying for you! please ask GOD for a miracle. you need “the parting of the waters”….so you can WALK on through “on dry ground”.

      Reply
      • dannimoss, on July 7, 2009 at 11:13 am said:

        What kind of advice is this for someone in abuse? Putting a smile on your face is not going to change an abusive relationship. I hope you didn’t mean it this way, but this sounds grossly condescending and appears to not only minimize, but completely dismiss, the reality of an abusive situation. Your advice about the Bible also sounds snide and condescending.

        As for Moses – guess what? Moses and the Israelites didn’t sit there in Egypt and wait for God to just magically transport them to the Promised Land. They got off their behinds, and hiked out by faith. God provided for them miraculously all along the way, but they had to move their own feet right out right out the door and keep on walking.

        I truly hope your post was not intended the way it sounds. I know sometimes things in writing don’t look the way we meant for them to sound.

        — Danni

        Reply

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