By Danni Moss
Copyright protected, all rights reserved
When someone is in a difficult marriage it can be so hard to know what to do. It is all just too much, too confusing, and too stressful. It would be so much easier if someone could just take this one piece off the pile and point to the answer – should I get a divorce?
Because I have had to make that decision myself I am asked this question fairly frequently. While I may have an opinion, I will rarely express it. There are a few exceptions, but usually I don’t. There are a couple of fundamental reasons for this.
One thing that is very important is for you to know you and God are on the same page. You must have God’s direction for your life. There is no other way around it. You will not have peace or the strength to walk out the path that lies before you any other way.
Also, I cannot tell you what God wants you to do. If you obey me, that would be idolatry. You must know for yourself what God wants you to do. When you know that, you will be free indeed. That may seem frustrating to hear from me, but it is a HUGE key to your ultimate freedom.
God wants you to be safe and He loves you. Look again as Jesus’ purpose in Luke 4:18.
I encourage you to read the rest of the articles in the left sidebar about domestic violence, especially The Issue at the Heart of Domestic Violence. Also, the website divorcehope.com has a ton of information that may help you as well.
Ask God to show you His heart for you. James 1:5-8 is your promise from God. Read it and hold to it, then dare to walk out what He shows you.
BECAUSE IT MATTERS ~ Freedom from Abuse in Christianity 
Stephen Gola and Divorce Hope does not have a solid reputation within evangelical circles. His exegesis of Scripture is quite often faulty. In my experience there have been people to use Gola’s platform to cheapen the marriage covenant in order to get their “out” in a divorce not permitted in Scripture. Besides that, he is an avowed equalitarian, which is not condusive to healthy marriages.
I’ve never believed that the marriage covenant takes precedence over the people within it, but views such as Gola’s are the radical and unbalanced other side of the issue.
Where is the balance? I believe it comes when divorce is taken completely off the table and only allowed as an absolute last resort. It should be one allowed only by Scripture and confirmed through a multitude of Christian witnesses. The Lord’s heart is one of reconciliation. Jesus died and rose again in order that sinful man may be reconciled to him. Reconciliation coupled with healing should always take priority over divorce. No Fault divorce is a trap of the enemy and makes divorce far too convenient and far too attractive as an option. Gola builds on this, IMO.
A more balanced option is the DivorceCare program. It grants validation to BOTH those seeking reconciliation and those having been granted a Biblically-allowed divorce. Yet, it doesn’t cheapen the marriage covenant nor one’s responsibility to reconcile when at all possible.
http://www.divorcecare.com/
I wonder what the above poster means specifically concerning Mr. Gola’s faulty exegesis of Scripture. Examples, please? Just curious.
Personally, I found Stephen Gola’s book to be a great starting point for my own studies, regardless of whatever human imperfections he has. He pointed out a few things and I took it from there by digging into the original languages of both the Old Testament and the New Testament.
As a woman who has been through a relationship with an abusive man and now is in a relationship with a non-abusive man, I can see the huge contrast between the wrong way to relate to a partner and the right way. The first is a constant state of dying and the latter is one of healthy growth.
I do not believe divorce should be merely a last resort, but rather that people should be aware of what exactly IS acceptable in a relationship and what is not, so that they can first try to remedy a bad situation and, failing that, they may know that they are indeed free to go their separate ways when the conditions of the marriage covenant are broken. Consequences must exist and come to pass for things such as abuse of another human being. Otherwise, it is enabled to continue.
After I clicked “submit comment” I noticed the box for “notify me of followup comments via email”. Too late. Can I please be notified if there are any comments as this is a new site to me and I might not find it again!
The only way I can think of to do it is to try to make another comment and click the “notify” option.
— Danni
Personally I think Stephen Golas book on Divorce is bold and courageous. Its a refreshing breath of fresh air among the foul miasma generated by legalistic and abusive so-called Christians who, like the Pharisees and Saducees of old, have a zeal not according to knowledge and enact prohibitions purely of their own devising and fail to show mercy and justice for those in terrible distress. Yes, his theology is faulty at times but, to my mind, its overall message is Biblically valid. He does not push a no-fault divorce, as is suggested by some, he advocates marriage and divorce according to GOD’S WILL, — big difference!. One disadvantage of the book is the way it has been written — it desperately needs editing for its poor English grammar and that, I think, undermines its credibility among higher scholarship.
Blessings
Brian .